Tuesday, November 28, 2006

..and that's me.

i rarely change my veil (tudung)..it's like wearing a cap..how often do u wash your caps..rite?
but i change my socks everyday. regardless..every-day.

Monday, November 27, 2006

am i really?

i think, it's not that i am not a morning person..it is more to what i am waking up to. saturday, i slept at 5am and woke up at 9am and stayed up till 12am...and the next morning, sunday, woke up at 8am, no problem.

now i really think it is what i am waking up for..obviously, i am not enjoying the work. and i really believe that the professional tennis players wake up and make money out of their hobby/fav past time/fav game. footballers, yeah, they too.

now what would be the thing that i would love to wake up for?
i really have got to do something, i hate the fact that i have to abide by the 8am-5.15pm rule, and sometimes have to curi2 balik at 5.15pm just because either my boss is still around and there are some other bloody idiots who would call me after that. so much for a monthly RM50 taxable subsidy for the phone bill, now my phone number is displayed for anyone to call at anytime, not to mention, i am obliged to answer them. fuck. (at first it was ok, until i got my yearly review result, then go to hell)

4 more bonuses coming up next year, i have got to do something quick.

Friday, November 24, 2006










"Today, Anis nak jadi apa?"
"Umm....jadi red indian!"
"Ok, jadi Pocahontas, nak? Mcm patung barbie Anis"
"Yeay! Daddy!! Today mommy cakap Anis jadi Pocahontas! Pocahontas, Pocahontas!"

Thursday, November 23, 2006










"Anis nak jadi apa hari ni?"
"Anis nak jadi CatWoman! Today Anis nak jadi catwoman k, mommy...?"

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

checking my time

i feel like, reading..getting myself lost into some stories and then talk about it.
the problem, i just can't find the right topic of my interest..and i've tried spending a couple of hours in mph browsing thru books..but i still tak jumpak yang sesuai..should i try for another couple of hours.

thing with me is, i don't just read anything, i did that when i was younger..but when i have a lot against the stuff i'm reading or it is just plain uninteresting..then, it would just be a waste of my time.

same thing as i don't really watch tv, unless if there's something really worth watching. apparently, not much. so, what have i been doing with most of my time then??

check check !!

  • cook - no!
  • embroidery, sewing or anything as such - no way!!
  • music - the only time is in the car..but dats not always..just 10mins to work..baca2 apa2 yg patut pun btr (chewah).
  • movies - not much..except for weekends, no hbo, other than astro..u gotta be kidn me. i even read the reviews before going for a movie or watching them on tv.
  • tv siries - no, i'm not getn myself tied to certain period of time or more precisely, tied to a certain day or time just a tv program. no way. sounds like a true free spirit i am huh.
  • computer/tv games - wait till i get ps2. ps1 is so out of date. shh..nvr tell anyone i only hv ps1!
  • internet - as i said, only at work..wait till i get my streamyx.
  • spending some quality time with a person - well yea, i do this..a lot. BINGO ! (phews)


ok, weekdays..

6.45-7.00 : get up, pray, switch off all lights
7.00 : hot bath
7.20-7.35 : lie in bed, kooling down, get ready for work
7.35-7.40 : it actually takes 5mins to do all these - outside the house..turn on engine, lock door+grill, drive out the porch, close the gates. drive off to work
7.50 : parking space.
7.50-7.57 : walk up the hill
7.57 : scan in
7.57-8.03 : change shoes, take the elivator, reach my desk
8.03-8.05 : fix the laptop, attach cables.
8.05 : wana, jom bfast !!
8.30-1800/1830/1900 : work, work, work, work..lunch, work, work, work..
1900-1930 : grey area..adjusting the mind from work to after work
1930-2100 : dinner, brief socializing..catching up with something other than work
2100-2200 : hot bath..too tired to do anything else.

am i getn older? i can hardly stay awake at night.

Monday, November 20, 2006

blurry

I guess when you’re hurt many a time, at some point, you will eventually become numb.. and you tend to have this firewall or defensive mechanism towards this source of hurt..

In a relationship, in a way, it’s tolerance..bt how far can you tolerate? Up till a point where you become numb..then how ‘pure’ is the love, when there is this, so called, firewall?

when reality hurts..i sleep..
can you take it all way, this pain you gave to me, those words u said to me, the curse under your breaths..when you shoved it in my face

"fuck off. go to hell"

Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
and Everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
>From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doin'
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

(Chorus)
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doin'
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us but that's not very far

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Oh, nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
NOOOOOOOO! This pain you gave to me

Take it all away
Take it all away
Pain ya gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

cold-play

a dear friend of mine said, it depends on you. u should be able to tell. even from a simple sms, late at night, "how are you, hope ur hubby is ok (hubby's in a comma)". she ignored the msg. she clearly defined her grey line. he’s so lucky.

--I guess when the connection u hv with ur partner is strong, u know of the things that he won’t like and the things that would make him uncomfortable. They just set a limit of the way I see a relationship should be.

Being in a society, for couples, there are people whom u can be friends with..for the sake of just being friends.
And there are people who use friendship to get close to you. If this happens to you, you will know..you would surely notice. Don’t act dumb coz that would make you guilty of charge. and what should you do..continue being nice and treat him just like any other friends? That would surely makes him comes closer to you, ain’t it?

And you said, you guys are just normal friends, that is what you feel towards the 3rd party, but people know that the 3rd party likes to be close to you..

Or maybe you said, your significant other does not trust you..but infact, you should know, your partner trusts you, it’s just that your sincere act towards ‘friendship’ is giving the other party to steal one or two moments to be close to you, triggering other people’s attention…something ur partner is not comfortable with..something no likey..then, the question is, where is your respect to your partner? Was there a strong connection at all between you two then?

Assuming that the partner knows, but he can’t say anything coz, well, it’s a grey line. he can’t be telling his wifey that he doesn’t like her to have any communication whatsoever with this 3rd person. Wouldn’t that sound controlling?? I think that would make this hubby more uncomfortable doing this..

But when freedom is given, having an insensitive partner, makes you wonder, are you being selfish? Are you wrong? Have you been doing the same thing too? Should you accept their ‘friendship’ and continue sakit hati sorang-sorang when this guy comes close with his subtle gestures..are you being too jealous? But oops, other people see that too. Then, you can’t be wrong!!

Just why can’t his wifey understand that she needs to stay away from things that would make her partner uncomfortable..like creating chances for another guy to get close to her? Is this too much to ask? It probably is…actually, it probably is..

..nobody said it was easy.
..no one ever said, it would be this hard..
..(I’m going back to the start)

Ayu Ikhwani said...

"Waaaahhhh.. dah ade update! :) Was beginning to think you were gonna abandon your blog dah.. "


hehe..thanks, ayu..i'm suprised you never failed to visit my blog, even up to a point where it looked like, like you said, i was abadoning it.

been busy actually, and busy bee..busy bee..dats me..with work mainly..and i havent got much things on my mind..no, actually i do have but the only internet connection i have is in the office..so, once dah ada kat office..sure takdak mood dah..asyik2 ada ja that small email pop up window kat bawah..musti nk kena click jugak..

anyways, i am installing streamyx at home nx month, this time, i will have more time and things to talk about, surely. yalah..dah bayaq mahai2..wajib utilize la, ya tak? ;)

Sunday, November 19, 2006

vindicated

To clear of accusation, blame, suspicion, or doubt with supporting arguments or proof.

it's hard to keep a relationship going, when one of us keeps crossing the 'red line'..but it's harder to maintain when one of us keeps crossing the 'grey line'.

just how do u define the limit of your social limits to your partner's portential rivals?
for instance, yes, she might say it's nothing, we're just friends, he 'sametime' me and we chat, that's about all..
but if it's obvious when the chat initiator keeps on initiating closeness face to face, how does she act? or rather, how should she act?

a dear friend of mine said, it depends on you. u should be able to tell. even from a simple sms, "how are you, hope ur hubby is ok (hubby's in a comma)". she ignored the msg. he's so lucky. hse clearly defined her grey line.

everybody knows, the approach to be close is obvious. but why is it so hard for the girl to define the grey line? why cant it be ignored if that would hurt the partner? esp when it is so obvious. c'mon !

it just makes me sick.



Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clearLike the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]
So turnUp the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current and let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

i love comics...garfield, baby blues, dilbert, dandy, beano..but why do they have to be so expensive?

okkie, add one reason to installing streamyx at home - i can read comics archives online ! :D

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

live...leave

funny how these two words rhyme the same..but in fact, have opposite meanings.

live : to dwell or reside (usually fol. by in, at, etc.): to live in a cottage.

leave : to go out of or away from, as a place: to leave the house.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

TRUST !!!!!!
i hate being unwell, again and again...
when i was very young..some 20yrs ago, i sincerely prayed to God so i wont get married when im older, because i wanted to look after my parents..

i still have the same prayers..

for some reason, considering a lot of things i have in mind and things that i see, i read, i feel, i don't see marriage as something i'm looking forward to..i am not keen..i am not interested..

i'm not traumatised..i just see marriage as something yang...tak menarik.

Still, things happen at God's will.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

8.44am..at the office

i really am like a kid being forced to go to school every morning..

nature is catching up with me..i am so not a morning person..