Saturday, August 08, 2009

my faith..

When i was much younger, i used to play and compete in schools badminton tournament. Die hard compete.

I remember having injured my bicep after a few rounds of long lobs strokes with the state coach. It really hurt. And I have a doubles semi final later. My final game of the year, of the tournament. And my coach was not helping at all.

I remember sitting in the middle of the big hall of some 16 busy badminton courts. I prayed silently...i tried to make a deal with God with the exchange of my pain. I prayed long, i prayed hard.

And the pain disappeared 10 minutes later.

I moved, i swinged, trying to feel for any visible pain. It was just gone. Like it was never there before. I was somewhat perplexed. My heart was unrest.

So i played my last game, and lost, but i didn't feel the game. My mind was more occupied of something else. Some that had just happened.

It was 1992. That was the last real tournament of my life.

I was, of course, very young, but now I know, I, as a slave, am in no place to strike a deal with God.


It was a few years after that. Something happened. Sad news. Everyone was young, I was young.. but old enough to begin to learn to accept sad news.

So I prayed..long and hard..I prayed, I want to stay single to take care of my parents. I understand that parents would lose their rights on their daughter once she's tied. Their well being matters most to me. Make me strong to care for them. Make me able to. They raised me. I can never repay that. The least I can do is care for them, even only when, they don't have anyone else to go to. Even when I am their last resort. I just can't be selfish by tie-ing myself, my life to a stranger.


Maybe when we're younger, we're less sinned. We're more innocent. It is much easier to get your prayers through the thick and thin of your sins. But God, being the most Gracious, all I had to do, is ask.

Ask, that is our faith for the God-liness of Allah. Believing that He has the power above all to grant all that we desire. But in the end, tho, pray for what's best for us.

God, forgive me for my ignorance.


"Wahai Tuhanku, bimbinglah aku untuk selalu bersyukur atas kenikmatan yang Engkau berikan kepadaku, juga kepada kedua orang tuaku dan agar aku melakukan amal yang Engkau redhai, dan masukkanlah aku ke dalam rahmat-Mu bersama hamba-Mu yang soleh." Surah An-Naml (Semut) 19.


p/s : I hate it when they moved to SP. I used to bring them ole-ole from work every evening. It has always meant something to me.

For those whom are still single, don't fret, don't push, have faith, maybe you are meant to do something else, maybe just for the meantime.

For those who asked why I am not married with one-kind of tone and muka yang sengaja berkerut-kerut like you are above everyone else, have some faith, if it was meant to be then it would have definitely happened already. It's Qada' and Qadar,the 6th fundamental of faith.

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