30th dec 05, Villach town

30 Dec, 2005
Villach, Austria

I woke up at 5.30am today..turned and tossed in the bed for 45mins, before i got up and turn on the pc..had some songs on, You're beautiful..dawn..till i get over you..and still i don't know what to do..staring at the blank pc..with nothing in mind...damn..i dont like this.

still, i didn't immediately prepare myself for work..waited until almost 7 to take my bath..

I can't seem to be able to concentrate on work today..or concentrating on pretending to do some work..lost focus, my buddies noticed this and have been teasing me a lot..Lucky its friday..evrybody's in a new year mood..we don't hv any plans for the weekend. Perhaps, going out downtown or to another nearby town..heard there'll be fireworks...

funny that my home country will be celebrating new year 7 hours earlier than us..haha...the sun has already come up in Kulim and we're only shouting, Happy New year! ..
its, a guet's neis johr in carrinthean's dialect here..

ct : btw, new year nnt kami sambut dulu la? Haha! You are so yesterday, so yesterday! I'm like a bird dat's already flown away! And you're still a 'lamb' back there! Huahaha!

Well, there's this joke on some 'terms' we share between me n my sis..one of them is L.A.M.B....if you guys are aware, it's Gwen Stefanie's clothing retail brand..and it actually stands for.. Love Angel Music Baby..personally would make sense to her, yes, but we figure something out of it (i said we, would u like to take the credit too, ct? ) well, I, actually came up with something else for that word, Lost/Lame Asshole MotherF***ing B****..pardon me...i guess something was gettin on my nerve then..

But looking from another point of view...use LAMB then instead of the above mentioned words..

ok, a fellow colleague just got on my nerve...i'm trying to calm down now..

yea, tension..but..

heh...tension mmg tension..mcm x pernah tension ja before this..but weekend boleh jln2...europe woo.. heh ;)

Yesterday, today and tonite..

TODAY

hmm...mlm nie mcm sejuk la...hari nie before lunch td x snow..so sgt sgt la sejuk..brrr...i lebih rela ada snow rather than sejuk...brrr...brr..!

to our relief, after lunch td snowing.....but masa balik td..rupa2nya snow tu mcm berair sket..mcm snow+rain...xbesnya...sejuk lerr...esok ada training from 9pm-12pm..then 1pm-3pm ada meeting dgn mgr kat msia..my mgr tu..kalut la..my mentors kat sini x larat betoi dgn dia..biG bosS kat sini pun x larat dgn dia..kalut btoi..pastu suh kami follow up mcm2 dgn mentor..over this and that task..but, mentor kami muka mcm dah bengang dah..aiyo...leceh btoi..kami dok pelik btoi..awat la dia x cakap dgn mentor tu sendiri..ada ka kami yg anak murid nie nk p remind itu ini dekat mentor..gilor pooo..

TODAY

esok patutnya ada training schedule dgn 2 mentor nie after lunch..but i guess, mentor kitorg x bgtau biG bosS and mgr kami..kami pon tatau..then mr mgr dgn restu big bosS pun suruh kami schedule meeting invite all the people in one of his mailing loop..dah la mail dia berlungguk2..kami xtau hujung pangkai punya style..adoy..pressure..pressure..then, mentor kami dengaq ja kami schedule meeting utk tomorrow noon..terus dia pun terkejut la..kata ada training etc...i..adoi..xtau la nk kata apa..then mr mentor pun p cakap dgn biG bosS la..dah la ckp in german..muka dia style tension ja..kami pun kecut..sbb dah la dia byk kerja..but time2 tu dia patut p bercuti..kan depa raya..then sbb utk site kulim..dia pon dok mai la dlm 6am-2pm..then mr mgr asyik dok follow up ja..dia pun x senang nk buat kerja..muka tension gila..

tu bab vip ... nie kami dua org yg dok tgh2 nie..adoy..mr mgr dok call hp i..suruh itu ini..assignment and task..pastu kami discuss dua org nk kena buat mcm mana..and guna which mails nk send out invitation...nk follow up dgn sapa..apa benda..

YESTERDAY

lps tu lagi..smlm dia send satu excel file yg ada segala product numbers, suh kami check process numbers utk benda2 nie..kebetulan smlm mentor suma xdak..tinggai biG bosS ja..and dia suh buat concall...nasib baik la biG bosS ada..mentor tau ada concall, but dia blah balik awai..maleh nk layan mr mgr..bygkan la kami 2 org..kalau xleh get hold of sapa2 yg nk ajaq kami mcm mana nk retrieve data tu..apa mr mgr kami akan cakap nnt..incapable lah...dia nk output latest by the next day..time tu..i tgk muka partner i..partner i tgk muka i..mmg test smgt betoi la..x rational sungguh...dah la mentor xdak.. aiyo...sapa kami nk refer..kami xtau mcm mana nk mula pun..tgk file tu pon x paham amenda..but sumer urgent..

nways, nasib ada biG bosS..dia la yg ajaq kami..buleh dak..dia mmg x buat kerja2 nie..tiba2 kena ajaq kami..agak terkial2 jugak la..lps tu concall..biG bosS pun mcm dah marah2...mr mgr pun mcm kena jugak..

mr mgr : 'biG bosS' ! im surprised u r in the office today.. i thought u're on a holiday..

biG bosS : how can i be sleeping at home when u have all this rubbish!

aiyo...kecut woo...regardless of whta biG bosS ckp kat mr mgr, somehow, over one to one call between both of them, kami kena work on that rubbish file jugak..dah la..

1 - kami baru 2 hari kenal system..

2 - ada dlm 4 or 5 system..yg kami baru mula guna..2 system..tu pun sgt sgt la baru n terkial2...ada instruction codes..and instruction codes tu kami xdak pun..kena hafal sendiri or tulis mana2..

3 - pwd and access pun ada utk 2 system ja..

4 - out notebook pun baru install 2 system tu ja... smlm boleh tahan lagi..sbb kami dua org baru nk absorb all the steps and different systems yg kami kena guna...

biG bosS la dgn sabaqnya ajaq kami..kami seboleh bolehnya la try utk faham secepat yg mungkin..kalau x paham pun, hafal or at least tulis la step by step process dulu..nnt baru absorb balik or tanya mentor..expected, smlm x boleh habis..but kami kena balik dah..member car-pool dok tunggu..and out of the rubbish file, ada benda2 yg x paham n xtau mcm mana nk proceed..tunggu tanya mana2 expert la esok.. then balik mlm..dua2 mls nk fikir..just buat mcm biasa..dinner..mkn..online..tidoq..

TODAY

then the next morning...salji makiin jadik keras mcm ais..snow dah x turun..n kerja2 membersihkan kereta makin tricky..but nasib ada 3 berus so kami pun pulun la berus segala ais yg x berapa keras..and annother of us scrap the ice at the window..after around 15mins, we were on the way to work..dlm kereta..spt biasa..diam ja..but i blv both of our minds mmg dok focus..mcm mana la nk buat dgn today..which mail nk guna utk invite..invite sapa..nk tulih pasai apa..what about that rubbish data in the file..how to approach biG bosS for his access to use one of the systems..how to follow up with mr mentor utk mr mgr's instruction..argh..serabut gila la..

then..kami sambung kerja..setup meeting..time tu la mr mentor kalut dgn mr mgr pasai meetin esok noon n traning yg kami patut attend..luncky for us, we managed to finish the 1st part of the rubbish file..tiba2 pukul 10am ada training on one of the 5 systems! darn! kami dua2 org lupa..xpa training dulu..but both of us x boleh pay attention (the lady trainer looks like how kak arzuani would look like when she's as hold as the lady trainer..) so i mmg melayang2 la pk mcm2..dr kerja..p sampai ke yan bukan2 pun ada..dgn ngntuk lagi..i mean, my mind x boleh tune on the training bila ada kerja urgent nk kena siap..

then lunch...makan pun..kami try to forget abt work for awhile..gelak2 semban2 sket..but bila nk turun from canteen..sama2 paham la..mcm mana nk buat lps nie.. then masuk ja office..kami sambung the 2nd part..part nie utk throw out data ja..guna biG bosS punya access la utk the 2nd system mau xmau pun...then tgh2 buat tu..tiba2 sembang dgn biG bosS..dia found out something...so, instead of buat utk throw out data ja..kami kena buat utk semua and compare the output between both systems...

sejam lepas tu..i dah mula rasa kami nie mcm bodo..buat kerja x tentu arah..patutnya, we stick to the root data..bukannya data from middle data from there p big root data in the system...itu yg biG bosS ckp kat mr mgr but mr mgr kata depa sgt la urgent xleh buat apa dah..kena la buat jugk..but i mmg dah sgt sgt bengang la time tu..mula la dok ckp sepatutnya mcm tu la..instead of mcm nie lah..etc..then bengang sorang...then after that, my partner pun naik bengang jugakk..hampir2 sebijik style i, buleh dak..then i ingat..dang it! she's 6th of june jugak..aisey...

so then, i calm down dulu..and then dia calm down jugak..kami pun think n capai one kata sepakat n sambung buat kerja sampai habis and send dkt biG bosS and mr mgr utk discuss tomorrow afternoon punya meeting...

TONITE

then tonite lps mandi, i baru beli call card, nk la call ct..couldnt ge thru..ada ka dia kata ' the number ure dialing tiada dlm perkhidmatan..." call zali pun mcm tu jugak..call diza mcm dapat..but diaaaammm ja..xdak tone apa pun..xdak kata apa pun...i agak dia off hp terus la nih...sms depa since 9pm..10pm..11pm..xdak sapa reply..i sms, ct zali n abah lagi...then i sms my fren, xdak apa2 pun lps 5mins..then i call her..dapat..finally...but pun x jawab jugak... i sgt...xtau la..sedih ka pressure ka..i pun xtau la nk kata apa..but mmg rasa mcm nk breakdown ja la td...i x puas hati..i takut ada any prob with the bloody line to msia..i call la another friend..sekali ja..x payah tunggu lama2 terus dia jawab..hmm..its nice to finally hear a voice from over there...tiba2 i call dia jawab..i nk kena explain pulak sikit sebanyak abt why i tiba2 call..ok..talked for abt 2 mins..i get the 1st friend to call me back..and she helped checking with the guys at home..confirming that their phones are still functioning..thank god at least..

i dont know..i was on the verge of a breakdown td...but no, i dont usually cry..i'd usually sleep.nk tidoq awai lah..but it's good to hear some voices from back home..really.. but i'll be fine..

(once in a while rasa mcm nie..usually...my mood pada tahap malar jaa..x terlalu jumpy2..)

I’m Feeling You - Santana feat Michelle Branch and the Wreckers

Sometimes I imagine my world without you
But most times I’m just so happy that I ever found you
It’s a complicated web
That you weave inside my head
So much pleasure
With such pain
Hope we always always stay the same

I’m feeling the way you cross my mind and you save me in the nick of time
I’m riding the highs, I’m digging the lows cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced
So many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feeling you

You go and then I can finally breathe in
Cause baby I know in the end you’re never leaving
Tho we’re rarely ever sane
I drive u crazy and u do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it warms me up like no one knows

I’m feeling the way you cross my mind and you save me in the nick of time
I’m riding the highs, I’m digging the lows cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced
So many emotional days
But my life is good I
’m feeling you

Till I get over you - Michelle Branch

I like the melody of this song..very nice..

Every time I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do
Oh you got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun
And the sky's so blue
Oh we both know
That we want it
But we both know
You left me no choice

Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
You just bring me down
Je pretends que tout va bien
So I count my tears
Till I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it is like
Oh…To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never try

We both know
We can't change it
But we both now
We'll just have to face it

Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
You just bring me down
Je pretends que tout va bien
So I'm counting my tears
Till I get over you

If only I
Could give you up
Would I want to let you out?
From this soulbuzz baby
We both know
That we want it
But we both know
You left me no choice

Chaque fois que tu t'en vas
You just bring me down
Je pretends que tout va bien
Oh so I'm counting my tears
Till I get over you.... oh

Chaque fois que tu t'en vasJe
pretends que tout va bien
Oh we both know
That I'm not over you
La de la de aye ay

I'm not over you

maybe somebody somewhere would dedicate this song to me

Little snow flakes

26 Dec 05, 9.40am
Villach

I woke up at 6.30am this morning..but I only got up around 8.30am. I’m suppose to go out to town with my girls colleague, now that they feel like doing some shopping, and well, also as I’m the one who can drive a manual transmission car.. but I do feel like going out, the shops should be opened today.

After I was dressed, lifted the curtain, outside view was unusually..white..white hazy… so I opened the balcony door for some fresh air to fill the room…and to my surprise, there were little snow flakes falling from the sky…

I have seen snow alrite, but I have never actually seen them falling right down from the sky…it was very nice, really..i was..terpegun..in the cold..i didn’t even have my sweater on…just a thin black long sleeved tee and my jeans…(and earlier I just noticed that I have to use the last hole on my belt..hehe)..it was cold…and I realized that my toes were beginning to get numb, but I just had to stay there outside on the balcony and look at the little snow flakes falling..

15 minutes out there…I have to get inside, or else I might loose my toes…

Winter

4.44pm, 25th Dec 05
Villach

Today is my hibernating day. Slept at a round 2am last nite and woke up at 2pm+..12hrs..heh.
There’s a movie on TV, young Lindsay lohan and a black Barbie..i mean, Barbie doll..hmm, I’ve never noticed, there’s no black Barbie doll..maybe I have never noticed it before..well, apprarently, this black Barbie doll made a wish to become human for umh..a week..or three days..i’m not sure.. and now, time’s up and she’s turning into the Barbie doll back.. young Lindsay lohan is so sad…yada yada yada..ok, finally, she’s back to being Barbie doll..and young Lindsay lohan gets to keep it. Urgh…to tell the truth I really x boleh masuk dgn cerita2 disney mcm nie..Btw, the black Barbie doll is named, Eve..hm..that sexy alien is called Eve too.

A colleague from work said that, starting on 21st December last week was a start of winter..

Me : What??! The winter season only begins today?
Colleague 1 : Yes.
Me : so, the snow starts falling in autumn?
Colleague 1 : Yes, but it will be less snowy. In fact, today, the day time will be the shortest in the year and the night time will be the longest in the year...good time for the longest party of the year, yeah?
Me : Oh really? That is an interesting fact. But, wait, last three weeks, the plant was shut down for operation for a day or two, if I’m not mistaken, due to the heavy snow…so, does this mean, the worst days of ‘winter’ in actually during the end of autumn?
Colleague 1 : well…yea…
Me : will the temperature drop lower than today from now on?
Colleague 1 : well…yea, it could..

Damn. Bring it on!

Colleague 2 : I was in Australia 3 yrs ago, and came back to Austria for Xmas, it was winter, right…and I had a really hard time adjusting my body to the sudden change of temperature..you know, it was summer in Australia and winter now in Austria…I was sick for a few days..
Me : (huh, this is our 1st winter…it was always between 26C (min) to 33C (max) on the avg back in m’sia…and I’ve been living there for more than 25yrs, man…tell me about it..)

OK, 5pm and it’s dark as usual…I only saw the day light for less than 2 hours today..

Culture Shock

5.30 pm, 25th Dec 05
Villach

Two weeks in Austria, 65 more days to go… I went out with a fellow colleague yesterday, a malay guy. And it seems like he enjoyed talking about the lifestyle here..continously taking the conversation back to the stripping and fucking clubbing activities in his town. Not that he fucks there but from the way he expressed his stories, he’s a devoted audience to me. His excuse is, he went there because he’s never been to a strip club before back in the country and bila lagi, peluang dah di depan mata kan… before p club2 mcm nie, tgk iklan tv dulu…heheh…(I didn’t understand what he meant by tgk iklan, I thought maybe just tgk all the different types of adds on tv..u know how man can be immatured… so I said, yea, I like seeing the supermodels in adds…like Claudia schiffer…and he added, ada satu tu yg org tua tu you tgk tak..hahaha….ok, this one, I confused…but I mmg amat xdak mood so I just ignored..)

My two guys colleagues, non malays…they are so excited about beers. I’m beginning to feel really bosan with their excitement…I don’t understand just what is the restrictions with beers back home that makes them so excited with buying and drinking beers here? Their reasons were, kat m’sia ada wife…ada parents… OK, and don’t tell me you guys don’t go out and hv some drinks with your friends during the weekend…I don’t see you guys getting all drunk here… xkan your parents kiss you to bed kut? I don’t see the real issue here. My comment is, excited tak tentu kalu…ntah hapa-hapa…I think, this kind of excitement will only masuk akal if they start melanggan pompuan mat salleh here… kalau setakat beer tu..huh..immatured.

OK, ..i suka la tgk Claudia schiffer punya iklan loreal…

They have a lot of movies on their TV…maybe because of Xmas…I love movies alright…but…unfortunately for me, to my dismay and disappointment…every single Hollywood movies dialihsuarakan ke bahasa german…mcm tgk katun jepun kat TV1… amatla x puas hati…in fact, a short interview with Hollywood actors in a Melodi-type punya rancangan pun dialihsuarakan…bosan…bosan..

Speaking of movies…it looks like I posa tgk wayang for 3months… L I missed narnia… and of course, their cinemas here pun translated jugak la.. I mean, come on! At least guna la sub-title..

(hey, why do we need sub-titles for English movies...we ain’t like you m’sians or s’porean..we don’t need to have a foreign language as our 2nd language to have a successful life..ok, the germans have all types of cars with the best technology..)

Alright! Suit yourselves. Guess you will never hear brad pitt’s real voice and laughters coz you substitute his voice with some ‘malaysian-like’ voice in TV1..in fact, the voices sound the same for some characters in different movies…I have to say, I am psychologically pressured with the TV here.. oh, the only thing that’s in English here is, Austrian Idol..they sing English songs.. Bon Jovi lah..Elton John la…I will survive lah…but, mcm kekok la..

Back to culture shock…I faced my own shock last nite. Well, I went to bed at around 2am..it was around 12.30am, I was updating my blog entry, and while the page was loading…I was switching on the TV channels. Well, do you notice that when it is past midnite in m’sia..some TV channels start playing adds for ringtone downloads…friendsters…listen to songs..and you have to call the toll charged numbers? Well, there’s this one channel, which I found out last nite…was playing the adds for uh..sex…and I mean, for real… OK, for the whole week, I have never changed the soap opera channel…coz I just turned the TV on for some noise…x pernah ada selera nk tgk tv depa…and in the soap opera siries…nk tgk babak kissing pun susah..mcm jgn harap la…and after 12am jaa…iklan2 kat channel yg satu nie..amat la memeranjatkan…
The women are fully shaved and naked…small breasts…big breasts…pick your choice…on the bed, dancing, in the pool, on the chair, the table…why only women, I don’t know…

(fuck…so these are the adds he talked about…and I said about Claudia schiffer’s adds…argh, darn! And yea…pompuan tua pun ada…yuck! )

I watched for a bit and this is sick, turned off the tv, and went to bed.

I feel...

“I feel alive…excited...ambitious...but most of all, I feel sad...is it too much of me to ask God to create you for me.. If I had a wish, I would choose to feel alive”

Top 10 Reasons I'm a Gemini

Gemini..

Gemini, symbolized by the Twins, is a Mutable Air sign. Ruled by Mercury, Geminis are curious, intellectual, quick-witted, talkative, friendly, and have superb communication skills. They are clear thinkers and have a love of information, able to process many incoming ideas and concepts in their search for the truth. While Geminis are able to handle many tasks at the same time, they often lack depth – jack-of-all-trades, master of none.

Symbol: The Twins
Element: Air
Modality: Mutable
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Ruling House: Third
Key Phrase: I think
Keyword: Versatility

Positive Characteristics:

Curious
Adaptable
Intelligent
Clever
Quick-witted
Literary
Inventive
Congenial
Dexterous

Negative Characteristics:

Changeable
Scattered
Restless
Irresponsible
Ungrateful
Lacking in follow-through


http://www.astrologychartsonline.com/Gemini.htm

Perfect

Yes, nothing is perfect in this world.. but I don’t usually cling to these words in my daily life..yea, there are some things that ought to be rated as almost perfect..but i'm thinking, in term of relationship, accepting someone in your life..how far do you rate the person in a perfect scale? Or rather, how high is the perfect scale as compared to..lets say..emotional quality (EQ) connection?

Situation : You are in a relationship with a very strong emotional quality level. You’re a woman, and your dominant partner is shorter than you..psychologically, don’t you prefer your dominant partner to be taller..? (so you’d feel more secured..lets say..) If this is the case, would it matter for you to rate your partner in your perfect scale or would you stick to your emotional quality level?

Would you disregard the perfect scale and live with your emotionally quality connection? Would your relationship be a mind altering event in your life and without you realizing it, you forgot the term ‘nothing is perfect’ in almost anything you do, even the little things..?

Flaws and differences between the two are also two of the main criteria in a perfect scale.
Some or rather, many, would say that a part of the ‘thing’ being in a relationship is accepting each other’s flaws and differences..how far would you go tolerating on each other’s flaws and/or differences…(you have to tolerate on the things yg pernah jadi pantang larang in your life before this) and then, would you start wondering, having our partner crossing some certain lines, the flaws and differences are actually omens..?

Having said all that in my thoughts, back to.. I don’t usually cling on to ‘nothing is perfect’. I do not always, conscious or sub-consciously rate the things in my life in a perfect scale. (some excuse for certain things such as hand phones or local cars’ : design vs quality). Why does perfection really matter to some people anyways? To me, we’ll end up feeling unsatisfied..or perhaps, incomplete..and that, is not living. So, do you, sub-consciously living your life according to your perfect scale rating?

Just a short thought that came across my mind in a flash..still, question is, in relationship, would you first, refer to your perfection level or check your emotional quality connection? (the ladies in sex and the city..gosh..get a fkn life!)

Well, if someone scores on my perfect scale..that would be a bonus for me..and hey, there are a lot of things about me that aren’t perfect too.

The song that dinner night

OK…i have a thing for this song..it’s local, made in Malaysia..

The thing is, 3 yrs ago, we had this annual dinner for the company and one of the guest artists was ezlynn. Ok, I know just one song of hers, hi hi bye bye..but she’s an entertainer..i enjoyed the show..

Somehow, suddenly, she sang one song and everybody was excited and applauding and they sang together..the thing is, there are 10 of us in one round table..and 9 of us were singing along to the song and the music..excitedly…guess who was the only one yg dok nganga xtau apa…I la tu..

( i was really dumbfounded that moment, I have never, never heard of this song before that..which is quite impossible..really..a song well liked by 90% of my dinner table..and I never heard of it..?? ok, then there’s this smart tag incident..which I don’t want to talk about…if u’re curious, ask somebody else who were at the scene )

For the tallest friend of mine, this song reminds me of you, as you had the most excited face singing to this song that nite..the others were laughing at me

Dan engkau masih, menyintaiku
Aku terharu sejuta rasa
Kerana usia mudaku membara
Hingga pernah buat kau kecewa

Dan engkau masih
Memberi harapan
Aku terlalu nilai buatmu
Akan ku balas dgn setia
Cinta remaja yg bahagia

Belum tentu lagi
Cintaku terbeli
Kasih sayang ini yang telah kau beri
Fikir-fikir ini, terbaik buatku
Aku sanggup bersamamu

Duniaku kini penuh bunga cinta
Warna-warni dlm kilauan asmara
Satu-satu jiwa terbaik buatku
Untuk hidup bersamamu

Dan engkau masih, tulus menanti
Aku dipanah rasa bersalah
Telah ku padamkan
Sejarah semalam
Untuk aku tenang bersamamu

Makin aku cinta

Why is it that Indonesian makes beautiful love songs..?

I just can’t ‘swallow’ made in Malaysia love songs..i mean, not after the 1st few times I listen to any of them…it has to be played over and over again..and that is if only I am ‘lucky’ enough to have come across that song over the radio..

But I have a thing for m nasir’s songs tho..not for himself, but the songs he made for others..and usually for a rock group type..example, nur nilam sari..kejoraku bersatu.. and some others..they are kool..esp to my ears..i can almost recognize his work the first time I listen to the song..hattan’s songs are not that bad too..

But such songs as below, leave it to them Indonesians.. I have been carrying this song with me since 5 years ago, I think..


Caramu mencintaiku
Menjauhkan kecurangan
Seperti bintang yg setia pada bulan

Memegang kukuh janji
Menemani aku sampai mati
Terpasung hati
Tulus mu mendampingi diriku

Makin aku cinta
Cermin sikap mu
Yg mampu meredam rasa, keakuanku
Memahami cinta

Makin aku, cinta
Cermin sikapmu
Yg mampu meredam rasa
Keakuanku
Mengerti..memahami cinta..

Caramu memanjakanku
Kau rujuki kesejukan pagi
Mamasung hati
Tulus aku
Memasahkan diri

Jangan pernah terbersimpati
Meragukan kesetiaan yg tercurah
Aku dan dirimu
Ditakdirkan satu
Langit jadi saksi

What am I gonna cook??

23rd Dec 05, Friday.
7.30pm

Kratschacher Hof,
Drobollach,
Villach,
Austria.

OK, its Friday..and its xmas weekend..with a replacement holiday on Monday, 3 days off from work..how kool is dat?

I’m in the kitchen now..it’s a very nice kitchen..and organized..good idea for my own kitchen back home..well, i always write here..there’s a table for me to place the laptop, my two guns (handphones..i’m carrying two of them..one my malaysia number and the other is company’s phone) and my dinner..there’s a tv in front of me..i always turn it on, tho I don’t understand deutch, but here u can see top supermodels in adds and talking their mother tongue language..i’m referring to Claudia schiffer doing a shampoo add and speaking german..apparently, I guess these adds are too expensive for us.


I feel like cooking..but I don’t have much to cook..Opened the fridge, there’s eggs..nutella..milk..orange..coke..(I like the coke here..less gas and less sugar..)..and what else…ah hey…sebungkus cili padi (ooh life!) in my rations cupboard,…meggi goreng..meggi mee..meggi meggi meggi..who da heck yg pesan mcm nk rak suh bawak benda2 megi nie…so far I just had one and I didn’t even finish it..hmm..no cans of no sardine, no rice..no bawang..oh ok, there’s saltz..and zucker of course..(salt n sugar)..

Damn.

I have never thought that I would feel almost miserable here because I don’t have anything to cook…not for the sake of kempunan with food from back home..but I just feel like cooking something, something decent, not instant..now that I have my own kitchen..this is unbelievable (me, feeling like cooking and nothing to cook…hmm at home, everything is there, the convenient kitchen, the raw stuffs to cook.. but I never really feel like cooking.. that ain’t suppose to be a surprise if you look at it from a different point of view tho..the value of love is not known until it is lost..heh) maybe because that’s my mom’s kitchen…well, i guess now I’m the kind of those people who can only cook when they have their own place to cook…

OK, I’m settling for mushroom soup, and telur dadar+cili padi…hope I’ll be satisfied. (models, modeling undies on tv now..some in sexy short santa outfit..)

OK, a packet of instant mushroom crème makes 2 bowls of soup..kewl..and I potong cili padi..2 bijik in each round of mushroom soup+pepper. Goreng telur dadar+cili padi..ooh…just the aroma…I had the telur dadar+cili padi 1st..ooh..voila!
I feel live slowly slid back into me..rasa pedas tu..mmg x boleh tolerate dgn benda2 lain lah! Now, I’m having my 2nd bowl of soup…kunyah cilip padi beb..pedas nie..bess gilllaaa..i’m sweating, man!

ok, speaking of food..i have not much complains..but that doesn’t mean I’m swallowing all the fish n rabbit food (vege meal). Well, lunch time at work, I’d go to the canteen..just take whatever meals with fish (no other meats, if fish, fish alone..if chicken, chicken alone..if pork, then there will always be two different pork dishes..man..) if no fish, then I’ll eat the rabbit food…some of which with some kind of taste I couldn’t comprehend.. seriously..and I don’t usually finish them..just enough utk lapik perut..which is nice, really..u don’t eat until u’re full..dapat la my stomach rest..heh..

For dinner, it’ll be just what I had, mushroom/chicken crème soup and fried eggs (do u call it fried?? Sounds weird..correct me if I’m wrong..)

Just finished my dinner, and a ¾ liter of orange juice pedas punya pasal..but, my nose and mouth panas nih..i love this..rasa bes semacam..

Ok, it’s just 8pm now.

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

OK..Austria..

16 dec 05, Villach, Austria,

it's just 6.30am here and its 1.30pm there in m'sia...just had my bfast..in this building, there are 12 of us, so called, OJTs (meaning trainees). Lucky for me, for being a muslim, i had my own room with a separate kitchen..but so far, the guys have been cooking just whatever stocks and rations they brought from back home, i i have no issues having them lepak-ing in my kitchen..

Austria is 7 hours delayed from malaysian time, but as of this date, my body clock is still following malaysian time, so, if talking about my sleeping time here according to m'sian time, i'd sleep around 3am or 4am and woke up around 1pm..heh, sounds like me huh? ;)
But by referring to Austrian time, i'll be going to sleep around 8pm or 9pm and woke up around 6am..well, actually, i've been waking up around 4am and 5am..guess, no, obviously, my body is not well adjusted to the time difference..

It's winter time here, so, expected, the day time is much shorter. 7am here is just like 7am in m'sia..but, 4.30pm is like 7.30pm..and going off from work around 5pm is like going out for dinner at 9pm back in msia..so imagine..i go to bed at 8pm here..pretty interesting huh..

here's another interesting fact, the temperature is below 0 degrees C, so, basically, on a normal morning, the temp would be around -9C. Even so, i thought the weather would be damn cruel to my body, esp to us who have not faced winter weather before..but so far, i don't have that much probs i thought i would..except, when walking outside in the streets, u tend to have a little annoying running nose, and yea, ur nose bleeds, but it will be frozen inside ur nostrils..urgh, imagine how uncomfortable that would be..well, a friend asked, what to do to about that..well, when u're outside..u don't pick ur nose in public rite..use the tissue or hanky for instance if u really cant stand it..usually, when u're already in ur room or a building where its warmer..dats the best time to blow ur nose, cause by then, it wont be too frozen, id say..so, u won't injure the soft tissue in your nostrils..(well, certain ppl have certain concerns and curiousity, rite..so i try my best to give the best picture for them..)

A couple of days and nite here, i felt like i was going to catch a fever..but hey, that won't be a good impression on the 1st week of ur new job, aight..i have already prepared some safety precautions, some critical meds..for flu, fever, pain killer, cough..vitamin C..so..i'm ok.. (but ooh..i forgot my stomach ache/reliefs, or diarrhoea..damn..lets hope i won't have that..apparently, i have it quite often compare to other ppl..)

The lowest temp here, so far is -9C, that's when we first touched down in Klagenfurt airport on Monday morning. Then it got warmer during the day...the highest..if u're lucky, would be 1 or 2C but on the avg is -1 or -2C, but then, i am not usually outside in the cold weather..i've always been inside the buildings of course, either my room or work place..so..its pleasantly warm inside..but from what i've heard, the winter weather will be at its peak, sometime in jan or feb..so..bring it ON!!

So far, i haven't got the chance or better, i am not that lucky, to see snow falling in front of my eyes, but i'm quite certain that it does at nite time, during bed time. but uh..i don't think, i am that dumb to stay up and wait or watch the snow fall..it'll be too cold until ur brain froze to get back to sleep..no way..and besides, watching the beautiful snow fall..alone..uh..heh, no, thanks.. (but it would still be nice to have had that opportunity to watch a snow fall..) one more thing, if the snow falls tonite, imagine tomorrow morning..ur car will be covered with snow..and it will be extra brain frozen situation for u the next morning..seriously, its really..really cold even without the snow fall..

OK, on monday, we arrived in Vienna (Wien) Airport around 6am..there was a lil turbulence prior to landing..to my own suprise, i was nauseous..i almost throw up..heck, i hate vomitting..so i took the paper bag and start breathing in a out of it..(the trick is to breath in CO2..it somehow calms down ur nauseous..)

i was quite ok when we touched down, took some pictures with the group..and then an hour after that we had to take a small plane to klagenfurt airport, which was very nice since i was sitting by the window, and i could see the sun rise..beautiful dawn..

anyways, i was browsing thru the catalogs during the flight, when suddenly, again, i started feeling nauseous..and again, i was breathing using the paper bag...damn..i hate it..but it was so awful, i really couldnt stand it..for once, i'd rather throwing up than suffering that nauseatic feeling (do i spell it correctly??)

unfortunately, i did not vomit when we finally reached our apartments..so, i've been living with this nauseous feeling ever since...

Food wise is ok, like i used to tell my buddies, i have no probs with or without rice..hah, one of them said, if thats the case, i will nvr loose weight..haha!
well, here, the most important meal is eggs..they don't serve eggs at the canteen unfortunately, maybe during bfast, i dont know..im only there during lunch..lucky for me they serve fish meat there..otherwise, i wont be eating meat at all...hey, u need meat to keep urself warm..

That monday afternoon, our 1st day, the heater was not functioning in the room..i was sleeping..trying to cure my nauseatic feeling when i woke up to a really cold room..i could even feel it up to my bones..sincerely, it really tested my spirit there..haha..was i really going to stay here, at this season, for almost next 3 months??

well, where we're staying is a suburban area..north of villach town..its a farm area..in front of the place is a cown barn and a few yards away behind the house is a pig farm..damn..the pigs are almost as big as the cows back home and the cows' heads are almost as big as half the size of m'sian pigs..bloody hell..haha!

so, what i'm saying is, it's a suburban area, its an old style house..you have got to burn the wood planks for the heater to function and also for the hot water...so, at around 3pm..one of us met the landlord..and she was burning the planks..about an hour after that..it got warmer..well, what i did was...turn on the kitchen stoves..!

after a few days, i'd say i have slowly adjusted to the weather..hopefully, i won't be any crueller..

The Villach town is very nice…small town yea..but quite big actually, not that bad at all..and it’s very, very clean…the guys here celebrate xmas on the 24th..this is news to me, English speaking countries (US, UK) ja yg celebrate on the 25th..so-nyer..by 24th eve, akan ada colourful xmas trees decoration in town.1 or 2 days before xmas, shops will be opened as early as 5am and they'll cut the prices like hell..heh..thats what they said, we're still converting the expenditure here to RM...time 4.5 or 5 to make it easy..and yea, its rite, jacket and winter wear is quite cheap and variety of choices..kewl ones...and the style is btr..of coz..not made in china rite..hehe..

Alrite, time to go to work now..

The new job

OK, I had to commute from Kulim to Penang for a week. Should I say commute or drive..hmm BKE is commute…the Penang bridge is obsolutely driving..well, u got to stress test ur emergency brakes on the bridge mostly..so…ok..i’d choose the word drive..
Was it at all pleasant by the way..? I think it’s a waste of time…well yea, I would surely enjoy a drive in the car to work and listening to a whole round of a cd…but I don’t think I have the sense of patience or even the rational of putting up with the penang bridge traffic and BKE speed limit..no way.

I was in kulim site for the 1st week, well, we were in the contenna.. even so, the place aint that bad..quite convenient really, just like a real office..well…any building is good if not tolerable if there’s a functioning aircond and an a hi-speed internet connection. The construction is really rapid..offices bulding is expected to be ready in February 06..and production floor will be up and running in May 06..it’s pretty kewl really..to me, to be a part of a newly setup company as of this..watching how the guys from different functions show off their expertise to get the place running..the systems and the integration..i foresee an interesting environment next yr. it’s gonna be pretty busy for the next 2 yrs as per my mgr..but its always good to keep urself busy now when ure still young, that’s what I think.

Well, speaking of the spirit and the sentiment above, my prev job was also a newly setup dept abt 3 yrs+ ago. I practically grew with the place..and one thing, growing up is fun..haha! Urself growing together with ur job and the function itself..how kewl is that, huh? There’s a deeper sense of belonging I’d say. But one disadvantage tho, with the sense of belonging, u won’t be able to just close ur eyes when it grows bigger and some things are beyond ur control…so, u resign to a btr offer..hehe…yea yea they say ignorance is bliss, but still, how long can u put up with ur disappointments, really?

Up until now, I still wonder, was I really sort of a ‘traitor’ to have moved away when they say that the dept is still growing..? I’m not much of an important key player there..but hey, everybody is important that’s what I blv. Yea, I’m quite disappointed in a way..i feel stupid most of the time, but should I have stayed and mk it btr? Well, dats what we’ve been taught..somehow..direct or indirect…u do not just run a way from a matter, u handle it and improve it..looking back at my previous job, I don’t feel 100% right to have left it behind me..but yea, I have tried on improving the job, somehow, the thing is so keen at staying in the ‘stupid level’..so I comfort myself, be it man. Even if one day I manage to keep things under control and finally improve the stupid level of the task I did, I don’t think the feeling of satisfaction is up to the same level of the duration id go thru and the effort I’d put in convincing the ppl involve to move from their stupid level….damn, agonizing! Well, I did think of getting out of the task I was handling then, but transfer it to whom? That would be more unfair of me…but somehow, being mischievous could be fun sometimes..i practically dropped the task there and then when I tendered the resignation..and hell yea, ignorance is a fishing bliss.

doe a deer, a female deer..

My Morning Song

i'm not a morning person. Very much NOT.

My 1st job, after I left my degree course, was a job beyond my wildest dreams..

1 - new department, so everybody is with equal knowledge on the system.

2 - working hours, 1.30pm-11.00pm

3 - Desk job with continuous high speed LAN connection, which of course promised a continous internet connection

4 - Personal ext number with free access to call any parts of the world

5 - Spacious workstation

Life was great and I loved my job!

Anyways, as time went by, promotions came and new functions introduced, I was thrown to the normal working hourse, 8am-5.30pm.
That was when I realized a new thing about me...I am definitely, not a morning person....hey i tried for more than 3 years adjusting myself to the working hours!!

i can't bring myself to get up every morning. OK, i woke up at around 6.30 or 6.45 for the morning prayers, but i can't seem to keep myself from not going back to sleep. It's just that, the humidity..and the moment is too prescious for me to wasted it with a warm or hot bath (or cold esp..) or simply begin the day with any human activities..talk...eat..talk talk...eat....walk..
So, i pulled my comforter and took a nap..

I usually took around 1/2 hr 2 arrive at the office, just in time for my morning meeting, from the moment i get out of bed. My fastest record was 20mins, and i got a speeding ticket in front of the golf club. bloodyhell..of all days.

i even clocked the time 4 my weekday 1/2 morning routines

1 - get up from bed, take a bath : 10 mins

2 - get dressed : 5 mins3 - run downstairs, oops..forgot my socks, run back up and down, (good excercise in the morning)..check what's good in the kitchen to tapau for bfast (all types or nasik goreng and bihun goreng)..huh, mee goreng? no, thanks..(kembang tekak makan mee), bancuh ribena in my sports bottle, salam my parents (aku abah, akum mak,jida p dulu..byee! i blv, a proper intro in the morning and goodbyes to my parents in the morning guarantees me with a miracle parking space near to the office), grab my shoes, rush to the door, put on my socks and shoes, open n shut the door, start the car engine - warm it up, open the get, get back the in the car and look at the watch see how much time leftall the above steps took around 5 mins.

4 - reverse my car and drive to the mainroad : 3 mins (yes, i calculated many times..)

5 - from mainroad to right in front of office lobby, scan in : 7 mins
Total : 30 mins.

6 - morning meeting

7 - go back downstairs, drive to the parking lot at another building and walk back to the office : 7 mins

Never ever doubt me on this.

Of all the steps above, i can't understand why da heck my bath has to be in 10 mins every morning. I did try to minimize it, many times, bt it jsut has 2b 10 mins..and NO, i do not stop and look at myself in the mirror at anytime within the 10 mins. I guess this is where my morning song comes.
I don't know how it is with other people, but, i noticed that, there is always, always a song playing in my head during that 10 mins.
last 2 days was Ezlynn's bersamamu

yesterday was Here without you

this morning was, Don't phunk with my heart

I noticed that, the 10mins is the time when my mind in a really passive mode and my subconscious mind plays a song every weekday morning. I was subconsciously humming 2 a song..until my conscious mind becomes alive..usually at the 10th or 11th minute.

I haven't noticed this during the weekend tho, i was either asleep until nearly noon and my conscious mind will wake me up.Or.. if there is an activity, i'd be too excited planning and thinking about it from the very 1st minute.

Just like my mom who can't stand an unwashed laundry regardless of any circumstances, i can't stand of letting my mind become idle at any time, even when i'm in the toilet (and the toilet is in a good condition..) I guess that somehow explains my sub-conscious mind and my morning songs..I'd be glad to know if there is anyone else like me.

The mega sale carnival

So, the mega sale carnival for this year finally begins, and the 1st day was on Saturday last weekend. Not that this is a much awaited event in my calendar but hey, a change in environment sometimes is a feast for the eyes. Unlike last yr (or for the last 2 yrs maybe) the carnival was 3 times a year..april, august and december..if im not mistaken. Then the businessmen complained and gov changed it to once a yr but the event is within 2 months’ time. Id really like to see, how things will be compare to last time.

I went out with a friend on that Saturday, to megamal prai n pacific but it felt like going out on a weekday..the store was under renovation in a few places and they hanged about 5 or 6 small, ignorable, mega sale banners. We were thinking, this doesn’t even look like a Saturday…let alone a mega sale day…weird..but I know IKEA and IKANO held an offer on that weekend..dats all I know about things in KL. Whadda heck, I’m more concern with the northern region.

Anyways, aside from that, the PC fair is going to happen within the same month. I have to say that I am more excited waiting for the PC fair next two weeks. I’d really like to compare the items they’re going to offer with the previous ones. One thing for sure, I’m not falling into a made in china mp3 players.. I bought one for my sis and we found out that..

1 – the quality is different.. some functions does not work after some time
2 – the feeling is different.. definitely.

I’m thinking of getting a dvd burner, sound card and graphics card for my pc..i hope they wont cost me more than rm300.. budget.. budget.. last pc fair on april, my budget was tight, I opted for a dvd combo instead..now that I have fully utilised the thing, I am not satisfied.. mom might say I wasted on it in the 1st place.. but I think it’s worth it.. as for the graphics card, I really really hv to get one, I mean, my AMD 2.0gig processor is such a waste if I don’t test it with games, rite! Hmm.. I might help myself with an extra RAM.. who knows, rite?

P/s : AMD is bullshit. It’s powerful yes, but almost all my other hardwares flunked, even my power supply, can u imagine, I had to invest in casing with xtra fans and what not because of the over heating problem.. does anyone think or feel I am exaggerating here?

Much ado about the mega sale carnival, I’m looking fwd to check on sum of the branded stuffs,
Here goes my list
1. nike dry-touch cap ; normal price rm59 no discounts so far this yr

2. timberland boots for ladies.. mind u ; normal price rm500, 20% is the highest discount offered in gurney plaza parkson store, before the sales. My fren has been dying to hv one. Esp the one with the brand at the back of the shoes…ooh.. the feeling of unbelievable and envy eyes on them when u’re riding the escalator… hahahaha.. it’s good to feel naughty sometimes (p/s : riding? Is it correct?)

3. I don’t know, maybe scholl sandals for my parents’ 26th anniversary. Mom used to hv one, and she loved it and still r’bers it until now. So, like the credit card add, ..the look on your loved one..priceless..

4. Those electrical stuffs for my house.. I have a list of the must have stuffs, but of course, just want to see how much they would offer during this time of the yr.. would it be of any help if the tokeh already recognized me?

testing...testing..i have just created my 2nd blog..i don't think id like to c'nue with my prev blog..it was just trial and error, and i dont think i like the name either.

i dont plan to make this blog as a part of my daily life, but, just, i do have a lot of things, heavy or light, xtreme or mainstream,.. in my head. and rather than pouring them on my frens or siblings, i know sum of them will not be able to accept my point of view, so, i thought, maybe id try this blogging thing.

reading and browsing thru other people's blogs is something ive been doing for the past, umh, 3 months..id say i like reading other people's stories and opinions, and i do respond to some that really caught my attention,but, anyhoo, as im writing this, i do not feel like,me-blogging, as my thing. guess i should just wait and see.