they say...

smile when you're answering the phone coz it is shown in your voice...
what if you don't feel like smiling?


then don't answer the phone.

it's the same..

ever wonder why some things hurt us so much..

if you love someone..so deep, you tend to be hurt as deep as your love?

and some tend to hurt the person back, in favour of the pain. so maybe, we can see an abusive marriage from a different point of view...how does a man channel his pain or anger? would it make sense to you if he said, "i'm sorry..for hitting you..i don't know how to explain, but it's because i love you.." to me, it's true.

arguments happen in marriage. you might have triggered him and he might have triggered your anger. it's unavoidable. yea, well, prevention is better than cure. but i really believe that this does not apply in marriage. there is no such thing as preventing any possibilities of triggering your partner's anger. there will be, disagreements, debates, arguments and fights. it's..anger, and hurt management..

Its the people we love most who are capable to hurt us the most..
so..not to love someone too deep, so you won't get hurt too bad in return?

or maybe..

i should wait for the leather seat, darker tinted windows, r2 lips ;)

i feel like..

taking a cruise in my car..

Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da...

oh, i've got to admit this...me likey this song !!


http://www.radioblogclub.com/open/128507/paris_hilton/Paris%20Hilton%20-%20Nothing%20in%20this%20world


Da-da,Da-da, Da-da, Da,Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da
So I was thinking to myself when you passed me by
“Here’s what I like”
And you were with somebody else but you can’t deny
That’s me in your eye

Do you know
What it’s like
When it’s wrong
But it feels so right?

[Chorus]
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn out the light
I’m gonna make you feel alright tonight.

Da-da,
Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight
Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight

Baby, you and I, we got what will never be
You know I’m right
So tell me what you’re waiting for when you’re here with me?
Most guys would die
You should know
What it’s like
When it hurts
Cause it feels so right

[Chorus]
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn out the light
I’m gonna make you feel alright tonight.

Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight
Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight

I gotta tell you somethin’
It’s somethin’ that you just might like
No, it’s not the same thing
Yeah, you’ll learn
I’m not too shy
You and I, we can do this thing tonight

[Chorus]
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn out the light
I’m gonna make you feel alright tonight.

Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight
Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight

[Chorus]
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn out the light
I’m gonna make you feel alright tonight.

Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight
Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, Tonight

dan lagi...dan lagi...dan lagi..

just got to know about another 'incentive' coming..3 times for this year alone..i'm not jumping tho. Praise God almighty, for all the blessings and gifts for the servants..to see whether you pause and say your prayers and be thankful..

it's happening again

i don't know how. people with little work can make themselves appear so busy. even when they admit it that they have only 1 or 2, at the most, things to do, but mgt still see them as busy people.

worse if the mgt is the type who sees you as busy when u stay back at the office after working hours (where you could probably carpool-ing that's why), and when you struggle to finish your work within working hours, they don't see your efficient, they thought you don't have enough to do.( and dump you with more and more)

or probably he can rely on me with (almost) all special tasks, but i am not getting the reward here. i can't even go on leave easily..hullo...friday half day,applied two days earlier,..."i assume this is urgent". and oh, "this (bloody) thing needs to be signed off on friday, you're going to be on leave? oh it's ok, azida can send it on behalf of you...provided she is not taking any leaves that day"

whadda fuck, man ?! who is supposed to be responsible now? fuck. i am being cool now. just don't wait till im exploded alright !

i may not be fully efficient but i know i am efficient. when i finished work on time means i plan my tasks within the required time (and in fact, i have the most tasks) when i finished work on time means, i'm fast ! and dat's for the sake of my personal time after work !! you should not see it as if i don't have enough to do! if u can rely on me to handle these tasks then where is my bloody fucking reward ??!!

if someone has to stay back from work, doesn't mean she's is busy up to the ceiling, hullo !!

argh !!

im just damn sick with these people who keep on calling me about work !
cant you just wait till i reply your mail?? bloodyhell. everything's urgent i can live with that just learn to wait for your turn !! sheesss!!
asians working attitude. (well, actually there are people who don't read their mails - asian working attitude..trust me managers all around here hardly read their mails) thus, the culture of calling you up the second their mails reached your mailbox. bloodyhell. bloody annoying.
all because we have to work harder to finish everything 2.5months earlier. i don't know..at some point, i wana take things at work one thing at a time..less error..and just enough with the rat race !!

..and that's me.

i rarely change my veil (tudung)..it's like wearing a cap..how often do u wash your caps..rite?
but i change my socks everyday. regardless..every-day.

am i really?

i think, it's not that i am not a morning person..it is more to what i am waking up to. saturday, i slept at 5am and woke up at 9am and stayed up till 12am...and the next morning, sunday, woke up at 8am, no problem.

now i really think it is what i am waking up for..obviously, i am not enjoying the work. and i really believe that the professional tennis players wake up and make money out of their hobby/fav past time/fav game. footballers, yeah, they too.

now what would be the thing that i would love to wake up for?
i really have got to do something, i hate the fact that i have to abide by the 8am-5.15pm rule, and sometimes have to curi2 balik at 5.15pm just because either my boss is still around and there are some other bloody idiots who would call me after that. so much for a monthly RM50 taxable subsidy for the phone bill, now my phone number is displayed for anyone to call at anytime, not to mention, i am obliged to answer them. fuck. (at first it was ok, until i got my yearly review result, then go to hell)

4 more bonuses coming up next year, i have got to do something quick.

checking my time

i feel like, reading..getting myself lost into some stories and then talk about it.
the problem, i just can't find the right topic of my interest..and i've tried spending a couple of hours in mph browsing thru books..but i still tak jumpak yang sesuai..should i try for another couple of hours.

thing with me is, i don't just read anything, i did that when i was younger..but when i have a lot against the stuff i'm reading or it is just plain uninteresting..then, it would just be a waste of my time.

same thing as i don't really watch tv, unless if there's something really worth watching. apparently, not much. so, what have i been doing with most of my time then??

check check !!

• cook - no!
• embroidery, sewing or anything as such - no way!!
• music - the only time is in the car..but dats not always..just 10mins to work..baca2 apa2 yg patut pun btr (chewah).
• movies - not much..except for weekends, no hbo, other than astro..u gotta be kidn me. i even read the reviews before going for a movie or watching them on tv.
• tv siries - no, i'm not getn myself tied to certain period of time or more precisely, tied to a certain day or time just a tv program. no way. sounds like a true free spirit i am huh.
• computer/tv games - wait till i get ps2. ps1 is so out of date. shh..nvr tell anyone i only hv ps1!
• internet - as i said, only at work..wait till i get my streamyx.
• spending some quality time with a person - well yea, i do this..a lot. BINGO ! (phews)

ok, weekdays..

6.45-7.00 : get up, pray, switch off all lights
7.00 : hot bath
7.20-7.35 : lie in bed, kooling down, get ready for work
7.35-7.40 : it actually takes 5mins to do all these - outside the house..turn on engine, lock door+grill, drive out the porch, close the gates. drive off to work
7.50 : parking space.
7.50-7.57 : walk up the hill
7.57 : scan in
7.57-8.03 : change shoes, take the elivator, reach my desk
8.03-8.05 : fix the laptop, attach cables.
8.05 : wana, jom bfast !!
8.30-1800/1830/1900 : work, work, work, work..lunch, work, work, work..
1900-1930 : grey area..adjusting the mind from work to after work
1930-2100 : dinner, brief socializing..catching up with something other than work
2100-2200 : hot bath..too tired to do anything else.

am i getn older? i can hardly stay awake at night.

blurry

I guess when you’re hurt many a time, at some point, you will eventually become numb.. and you tend to have this firewall or defensive mechanism towards this source of hurt..

In a relationship, in a way, it’s tolerance..bt how far can you tolerate? Up till a point where you become numb..then how ‘pure’ is the love, when there is this, so called, firewall?

when reality hurts..i sleep..
can you take it all way, this pain you gave to me, those words u said to me, the curse under your breaths..when you shoved it in my face

"fuck off. go to hell"

Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
and Everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
>From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doin'
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

(Chorus)
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doin'
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us but that's not very far

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Oh, nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to run away
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to run away

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
NOOOOOOOO! This pain you gave to me

Take it all away
Take it all away
Pain ya gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

cold-play

a dear friend of mine said, it depends on you. u should be able to tell. even from a simple sms, late at night, "how are you, hope ur hubby is ok (hubby's in a comma)". she ignored the msg. she clearly defined her grey line. he’s so lucky.

--I guess when the connection u hv with ur partner is strong, u know of the things that he won’t like and the things that would make him uncomfortable. They just set a limit of the way I see a relationship should be.

Being in a society, for couples, there are people whom u can be friends with..for the sake of just being friends.
And there are people who use friendship to get close to you. If this happens to you, you will know..you would surely notice. Don’t act dumb coz that would make you guilty of charge. and what should you do..continue being nice and treat him just like any other friends? That would surely makes him comes closer to you, ain’t it?

And you said, you guys are just normal friends, that is what you feel towards the 3rd party, but people know that the 3rd party likes to be close to you..

Or maybe you said, your significant other does not trust you..but infact, you should know, your partner trusts you, it’s just that your sincere act towards ‘friendship’ is giving the other party to steal one or two moments to be close to you, triggering other people’s attention…something ur partner is not comfortable with..something no likey..then, the question is, where is your respect to your partner? Was there a strong connection at all between you two then?

Assuming that the partner knows, but he can’t say anything coz, well, it’s a grey line. he can’t be telling his wifey that he doesn’t like her to have any communication whatsoever with this 3rd person. Wouldn’t that sound controlling?? I think that would make this hubby more uncomfortable doing this..

But when freedom is given, having an insensitive partner, makes you wonder, are you being selfish? Are you wrong? Have you been doing the same thing too? Should you accept their ‘friendship’ and continue sakit hati sorang-sorang when this guy comes close with his subtle gestures..are you being too jealous? But oops, other people see that too. Then, you can’t be wrong!!

Just why can’t his wifey understand that she needs to stay away from things that would make her partner uncomfortable..like creating chances for another guy to get close to her? Is this too much to ask? It probably is…actually, it probably is..

..nobody said it was easy.
..no one ever said, it would be this hard..
..(I’m going back to the start)

Ayu Ikhwani said...

"Waaaahhhh.. dah ade update! :) Was beginning to think you were gonna abandon your blog dah.. "


hehe..thanks, ayu..i'm suprised you never failed to visit my blog, even up to a point where it looked like, like you said, i was abadoning it.

been busy actually, and busy bee..busy bee..dats me..with work mainly..and i havent got much things on my mind..no, actually i do have but the only internet connection i have is in the office..so, once dah ada kat office..sure takdak mood dah..asyik2 ada ja that small email pop up window kat bawah..musti nk kena click jugak..

anyways, i am installing streamyx at home nx month, this time, i will have more time and things to talk about, surely. yalah..dah bayaq mahai2..wajib utilize la, ya tak? ;)

vindicated

To clear of accusation, blame, suspicion, or doubt with supporting arguments or proof.

it's hard to keep a relationship going, when one of us keeps crossing the 'red line'..but it's harder to maintain when one of us keeps crossing the 'grey line'.

just how do u define the limit of your social limits to your partner's portential rivals?
for instance, yes, she might say it's nothing, we're just friends, he 'sametime' me and we chat, that's about all..
but if it's obvious when the chat initiator keeps on initiating closeness face to face, how does she act? or rather, how should she act?

a dear friend of mine said, it depends on you. u should be able to tell. even from a simple sms, "how are you, hope ur hubby is ok (hubby's in a comma)". she ignored the msg. he's so lucky. hse clearly defined her grey line.

everybody knows, the approach to be close is obvious. but why is it so hard for the girl to define the grey line? why cant it be ignored if that would hurt the partner? esp when it is so obvious. c'mon !

it just makes me sick.



Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clearLike the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]
So turnUp the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current and let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

i love comics...garfield, baby blues, dilbert, dandy, beano..but why do they have to be so expensive?

okkie, add one reason to installing streamyx at home - i can read comics archives online ! :D

live...leave

funny how these two words rhyme the same..but in fact, have opposite meanings.

live : to dwell or reside (usually fol. by in, at, etc.): to live in a cottage.

leave : to go out of or away from, as a place: to leave the house.

i hate being unwell, again and again...

when i was very young..some 20yrs ago, i sincerely prayed to God so i wont get married when im older, because i wanted to look after my parents..

i still have the same prayers..

for some reason, considering a lot of things i have in mind and things that i see, i read, i feel, i don't see marriage as something i'm looking forward to..i am not keen..i am not interested..

i'm not traumatised..i just see marriage as something yang...tak menarik.

Still, things happen at God's will.

8.44am..at the office

i really am like a kid being forced to go to school every morning..

nature is catching up with me..i am so not a morning person..

disappointment

my friend is dead...

(it took me two times to type the word, 'friend', correctly..and 'dead', smoothly...)

8th June

Like aggressive weeds, commitments are taking over your social life right now, and your fun free time is at risk of getting totally blocked out. This cannot stand. Prioritizing fun over responsibility may seem counterproductive, but it's not. Remember what all work and no play does to a person? Make more of an effort to put balance in your life. Pull back on the work-related duties and free up more of your time -- to get the solace you need, get the time you need.
(now only it is mentioned? i have lost most of my social life like more than a month ago.. whaddaheck, it's not always right..even if it is, such coincidence..)

Pay close attention to the dynamics and the quality of energy in your relationship, from the most mundane interactions to the most exciting. You'll notice a pattern that will seriously illuminate matters.

7th june

In a quiet conversation you will reveal more about yourself than you had planned, but don't worry -- you're in very trustworthy company. Confessing your ideas and secrets will feel liberating, and they will also be a balm for someone else's hurting heart. This person will now be able to return to a more realistic life. Shared experiences connect you with others -- even those who used to intimidate you. Remember, what you feel is just as valid as what they feel.
(ayu, this reminds me of your offer...)


You and your lover may have to do the long distance thing for a while, but it's not a bad situation at all. In fact, once you get used to it, you'll see some immediate advantages that outweigh the disadvantages.

Hm.

been three weeks..

..since i spent the last nite at my own house..


empty..
empty..
empty..

option..choice..choose..planning..

i don't feel like leaving, again..
..what am i looking for..? money?
am i really happy?
it's tempting..but somehow, i have never really made up my mind or showed some real interest on the offer..
now i see why..
is that what i really want?
do i feel like doing it?
is it worth it?
gaining the money, career..
but leaving what matters most behind,
i've done that, during that critical time..
it hurt..
i don't think i can stand being away, again..

i keep on telling myself,
at the end of the day,
it's happiness that matters..

*it's about having 1901 new york chicken with a pleasant company in gurney after a movie
*it's about eating ice cream with someone you love at gurney drive
*it's about having kfc by the beach with dat someone
*it's about carrefour day on sunday with dat someone
*it's about mcd's sundae whenever you feel like it, with dat someone

imagine the time, the talks, the laughters..
come to think of it, i wana do all these rather than being away for money and career..

options lay open
it's about making choices
choose..
for what you want..
for your future..
for what matters most..
it's all about planning..

more and more..

i want something..i don't see how i can get it..
i can't imagine..


limited..
weak..
hopeful..
faithful..

some thoughts for our girlfriends...

Someone will always be prettier.
Some will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.

Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go,
and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it!

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....
might be lonely.

And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing."

So, again, love you.
Love who you are.

Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!"

"Winners make things happen-- Losers let things happen."

Be "blessed" ladies.....

much ado about my birthday..

6.6.06..i'll be 26..kewl huh..

http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=omen666

..may all my wishes come true..
..may all my prayers answered..

movies i've missed

she's the man -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=stm
failure to launch -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=failure
mission impossible 3 -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=mi3
DOA -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=doa
da vinci code --->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=davinci
over the hedge -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=hedge
x-men : the last stand -->
http://www.gsc.com.my/version2/movies/movies.asp?search=xmen3


.. i don't feel like myself..

lost..
anger..
disappointed..
sad..

been 2 weeks..

..since the last time i spent a night at my own house..

empty..

keep the faith..

إِنَّمَا أَمْرُهُ إِذَا أَرَادَ شَيْئًا أَنْ يَقُولَ لَهُ كُنْ فَيَكُونُ82
. Assuredly His order is, if He wants something, that He says "Be"- so it becomes.


فَسُبْحَانَ الَّذِي بِيَدِهِ مَلَكُوتُ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ83
. So extolled is the One who in His hand is the dominion of everything and to Him you are returned.


Yasin.

i can't explain

i took off the necklace i'm wearing last nite, i just felt like it..i have never taken them off since like, at least 2 years ago..


...it feels good..i can't explain

passed

two special friends' birthdays have passed...
..i haven't wished them..

changed..? ..part2

yes,

..deeper..
..determined..
..final.

bad..

this anger, is not good..bad for the heart..hm..should calm down..think positive..everybody has their own attitude, just deal with them or stay away from them..

the problem is, i have to linger with them..and i hate it when i have to be nice to them and any attempts to let them know that they have crossed the lines, would trigger a crisis..and i mean it, crisis!

fuck. some people are just plain sick!

sangat marah

just becoz hang nampak baik, so orang ingat hang baik??
and hang ada hak nk berlagak baik??
rasa bagus menyakitkan hati org lain??
acting immatured.

you hate me, right? so be it. see if i care. i don't give a rat's ass on anything now.

despise

i despise you

busybodies

at my point of life now..i am wondering, just why there are some significant others who just cant leave you alone..who are so busybody about your life..and it is like we are obligated to satisfy their curiousity but instead it's of our own private lives!

one of a fren's collegues : hey, i saw your car an hour ago, but now only i see you, where did you go?

( and she insisted on an answer...dasar paria..)

if she have asked me,

i would stare at her with my naturally best most anoyed face which tells, what da fuck is your problem?! u btr mind your own business.



annoyed
anger
tension
frustration

changed..?

..i don't know..

pathetic..

once, or maybe twice..

mom : get married, settle down..u need a man to protect you

and..i was really tempted to say, oh, a woman needs a man to protect them from other men..
women --> pathetic
men --> what a shame

and my mom just has to accidentally provoke me with this topic...i was up with a cheer mood like every other morning and here comes this topic..and i couldn't control my long face..

"xdak lelaki melayu ka nk p teman satgi depa nk hantaq barang to your house" -- for the 2nd time, she walked from the kitchen to the front door to tell me this..

my mind shouts : mom, half of lelaki melayu, or probably more, i don't know, ragut, rogol, curi, rompak, bunuh, abusive..and god knows what else...oh, sorry, i mean, men..in general..not lelaki melayu alone..i'm sorry, i don't have one..i'll stick with dad, and if he is not there, then i'll stand alone.

and yeah, let's not start with them generally being immature, pushy, ego, and rediculous at times..i don't think i could stand this..and then what, fight, fight, fight!

seriously, marriage is not in my plans..and i am disappointedly agreeing with the fact that a woman needs a man in her life to protect her from other men..

if this is called trauma, yes, i am traumatized with all the 'events' cause by men around me, in the news..the tv..my area..other people's areas...

and men are blessed with 9 akal:1 nafsu compare to 9 nafsu:1 akal for women..
now, who's pathetic?

i'm excited

i'm excited. should i not be? i am pretty excited..seriously..
gosh, i've spent like more than 10k on the house..just the renovation alone..without any important electrical appliances..thanks to the allowances from the trip..
looking forward to freedom and all the time in the world for my ownself..
away from other people's expectation..
can't wait to live a single serving life, had a good practice back in europe...just being ironic..

The thing you say..

" i"ll enjoy anything when i'm with you, baby.. "

such thing you say when you're in love..amazing how this one feeling can transform you, or bring you to a state, where for no obvious reason, someone just 'does things' on you..your face is warm..you feel warm..you see things in many colours..rainbows....and amazing is it not, when simple words from this someone, let alone the thoughts..can make you smile, even when you're alone..or especially when you're alone..sampai 'ingat tak ingat'..and cramped your face...gosh, some people just does things on you..

amazing
beautiful
brilliant
sangat menarik today..

I'm bacckkkk!!!

my life has been put on hold for the past 2 months and a half..almost 3 months actually..(but i'm not claiming that i've been hibernating and not living at all during this whole time..i've had loads of fun..a lot things, either i've never done before..most of them, yeah..*wink*wink*..and some i haven't indulged for quite some time...however...i may not blurt everything in here..unfortunately for me..no matter how much i want to..save all those stories for face to face chat!) but, all in all... ladies and gents..i'm bahck!!

i'm shutting down..deep sleep..be back when i'm awake..

München

the 2km of shopping street


"what, come again..? u're asking me about munich? oh man, i love munich.i love big cities..! europe is fantastic..i will be here again during spring or summer.."

i'm certainly coming back to europe, for vienna, for salzburg, for venice, for trieste, for rome, for paris, for munich, for prague, for milan, for swiss...for timberland outlet sale in Buchenhain, Munich..for the world cup Allianz Arena and the Olympic stadium in Munich..(and for the red light district 'city'...) in the spring or summer for a holiday..

far cry..

I WANNA GO HOOOMMEEEEE !!!

OK, 3 more weeks to go and I have started to pack all my stuffs and my bags..three bags altogether..gosh i need to use another shipment or i'll be charged for extra luggage weight at the airport..

checked with HR..lucky me, there's another shencker shipment this 14th feb, i've used the one on the 3rd, one small box...and now, after my trip to germany, i need another shipment!

the thing is, i have shipped most of my clothes...most of my stuffs are sourvenirs and gifts that i wouldnt send via shipment..then how laaa..??

ok, enough of that..back to the main topic...seriously, i cant wait to go home..ok, forget about a lot to do for work here..i am sure me and my partner can figure something out if we bump into any problems with the system etc..

right now, i feel like i'm already back in m'sia..i'm not exactly here..gosh..would you know how that feels like?? (and i have given up with hoping for the temperature to improve, it's been below -10C this week in the morning so far...and it's not like all of us are getting used to it..we somehow really feel like it gets colder..and we can't explain why..and bloody hell...the bedroom temperature is 10C...even the aircond in m'sia offices are not this cold..and bloody f hell..even the refrigerator is 5C warmer..i think i should be sleeping in the fridge then...)

i am waiting for the day when i would say...man, it's one more week to go..!!

i wanna go home..i cant wait to go home..i cant wait to go home..i cant wait to go home..i cant wait to go home..i just can't wait to go home..

Big City Life - Mattafix

listen to this song..

http://www.huabianxia.com/newcity/mybbview.php?fid=4&tid=84180&fpage=35

Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case.

People in a show,
All lined in a row.
We just push on by,
Its funny,
How hard we try.

Take a moment to relax.
Before you do anything rash.

Don't you wanna know me?,
Be a friend of mine.
I'll share some wisdom with you.
Don't you ever get lonely,
From time to time
Don't let the system get you down

[Chorus:]
Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case.

Soon our work is done,
All of us one by one.
Still we live our lives,
As if all this stuff survives.

I take a moment to relax,
Before I do anything rash.

[Bridge:]
The Linguist across the seas and the oceans,
A permanent Itinerant is what I;ve chosen.
I find myself in Big City prison,
arisen from the vision of man kind.
Designed,
to keep me discreetly neatly in the corner,
you'll find me with the flora and the fauna and the hardship.
Back a yard is where my heart is still I find it hard to depart this Big City Life.

[Chorus]
Big City Life,
Me try fi get by,
Pressure nah ease up no matter how hard me try.
Big City Life,
Here my heart have no base,
And right now Babylon de pon me case.

- this song will remind me a lot of this place..definetely for us all here

bad teeth

gosh! my teeth hurt..no..my gum actually..bad tartar developed..and its eating my gum now..damn it..one of the first things..when i reached home..see the dentist..and then cut my hair..

looking at the brite side..at least im taking less soft drinks..bad for ur health anyway..and i loose my appetite..

fucking idiot
keep on repeating the same bloody mistake

gloomy day

30th Jan 2006, Monday
Villach

woke up to a familiar smell today...something from quite a long time ago..something from home..still trying to recognize where i used to live with that smell while i was in the shower..took me a whole 25mins in there...


kulim has a different smell..austria has a different smell..so does italy...my time in kelantan was a different smell..so did the time in pre-U and U..still, i couldn't recognize where that smell came from..

i feel..sober..maybe coz it's monday..and plus the fact that i'm still having this cold..that should contribute a certain amount of percentage..and plus..i've slept for almost 10hrs..

it's just -4C this morning..but as if the weather is set to my moods..the haze is thick..visible eyesight falls to only 20metres..

great, my colleagues are going to note on this change of moods, they're going to be concern..they're going to be asking..but they know when not to ask any further...the girls have been wonderful..cook me vege porridge..pushed me to see the doc...reminded me on the meds everyday..boiled me chrysantemum tea and barly when i was having this cold over the weekend..concern on what and when i eat..'took' me to this kebab place..said i need some real meat..well, i've been almost a dedicated vegetarian for almost 2months now..the turkey meat is great..almost too much for me or maybe my stomach shrunk..

i've lost 5kilos so far..30 more days to go..still living (not surviving..). this week is going to be pretty fast..we'll be going to regensburg, germany tuesday afternoon for work..coming back on thursday afternoon for friday working day here in villach..and the very nite, to munich, germany for the weekend...both travel by train..6 hours and 5 hours consequently..be back on late sunday afternoon..another 10hrs of sleep and another new week to kill..

something i read somewhere...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along." – Jelaluddin Rumi

That was written in 1246. Think of it. 1246! A totally personal observation from an Afghan, and yet still so resonant with the basic human desire to find love that it hurts even today in 2005.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah..!!

OK...i admit, i was loosing my voice yesterday..and worse last night..tonsilitis attack! i will usually develop a fever at the same time..but, again.. i managed to have it 'delayed'..for the third time.

Feel much better this morning..thanks to some great thoughts that keep me warm all day..

in my mind...electric guitar..full bass..oohh...
el-e-vationnn!!!

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here

A corner of your lips
Is the orbit of your hips
Eclipse
You elevate my soul

I've got no self control
Been living like a mole now
Going down, excavation

Higher now, in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation!

A star
Lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you can educate my mind
Explain all these controls
Can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation !

Love
Lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high

Elevation !
Elevation !
Elevation !
Elevation !
Elevation !

-U2, OST Tomb raider

Time of your life

for a dear friend, whom i've hurt so bad

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the rod
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
I hope you had the time of your life

-green day

Prayers and faith

If God answers your prayers, he is increasing your faith. If he delays,he is increasing your patience and, if he doesn't answer, he has something better for you... So always be happy in what ever comes your way
.
new car..
new job..
new house..
new..

plenty for me to handle..i don't think i am ready to face it if everything is taken away from me..and yet, i'm still asking for more..things i don't think any ordinary people would ask for..is it too much of me..

..keep the faith..and keep on praying..

Brain freezing cold..!!

dats the heater the kitten is holding on.

the same kinda traditional heater i have in my room here.

OK...as forecasted by the weather report on the radio yesterday, yeah..the temperature hits below -20C this morning..and it's -23.5C..i have always been wearing only my tee and jacket..but today, i have my sweater on as well..so 3 layers when i'm outside the building..

my tonsil is beginning to feel the effect of the cold..i took extra precautions..early..don't want it to interfere with my work..(although both my mentors have been on MC for a week and 3 days now..)
was walking fast from the parking lot to the building this morning..felt the mucus in my nose frozen..my breathes was that of a dragon's..i've got my fever 'delayed' twice so far..i hope i can have it 'delayed' again..

Some of the cars here..

Cuba hampa tgk honda2 yg depa jual kat austria aka europe laa..i dok tgk iklan tv ja..coz org2 kat sini lagi byk guna keta2 german..
http://www.honda.co.at/

Civic 2006 : http://www.honda.co.at/content/car/15165_41354.html --> yg nie la latest paling dahsyat..buat aku nganga depan tv time dinner sorang2..serupa concept car wohh…admire gila..
Accord limo : http://www.honda.co.at/content/car/15165_41908.html
S2000 : http://www.honda.co.at/content/car/15165_5768.html

This is the car im currently driving to work,
Vw passat wagon : http://www.vw.com/passatwagon/index.html
Buruk kan? Hehe..mmg sgt x best pun..mcm wagon buruk..x stabil masa drive kat autobahn..so far aku dah tekan until 160kmh with this car and the renault..tu ja la..the guys dah tekan sampai 180kmh..but winter pun, xleh tekan deras2 sgt..habih tyre worn out..now, keta suma guna winter tyres so..lebih tebal and 'kasar' compare to normal tyres...

And this one I pernah drive for the 1st month kat sini…both cars are better than vw..maybe coz depa bagi vw yg x best..anyways, both cars best and tough, but I like scenic btr coz yg nie smart car..lampu bukak tutup sendiri..boleh set auto-cruise..x payah tekan minyak la on the hi-way..(kalau kat msia nie keta jenis nie mahal laa..gen-2 pun ada this option, but xdak dlm list pun bila nk beli keta..tatau la kalau utk export saja..)
http://www.renault.at/RenaultSITe/cars/scenic_j84_mj2/home/index.html
And
http://www.renault.at/RenaultSITe/cars/laguna_ph2_k74/home/index.html

One more thing, dah berapa kali terserempak dgn 'Kembara' and 'Satria' but if course..they aree 'renamed' as 'Daihatsu' and 'Mitsubishi' ..
I am not sure on the difference..but i'm pretty damn sure that they are equipped with air bags and abs..

Local Colleague : I can't believe M'sian cars don't have air bags..this is safety we are talking about...
let's see...what does that make me feel...cheap..? in a way..yea, i do feel that way..

-19.5 Degrees Celcius

YEAHH!! BRING IT ONN!!

This is the lowest point we have achieved in Austria...so far..but the winter olympic goes on ;)
Was talking to one of the local colleagues..he was saying..the winter this time around is more extreme than they had ever faced in years..he can't even remember the last time they had so much snow in winter..

Local Colleague 1 : due to the situation in Russia, Austria is affected as well..it is forecasted that the winter will be prolonged till April...it will skip spring and go straight to summer..
M'sian Colleague : huh?? Skip spring..? Can mehhh? You can skip the season? I can't imagine wohh...! (she doesn't mind retaining her accent with the local colleagues here..)

Well, the news on tv has been reporting on the conditions in russia.. -30C..looks pretty bad..it's freezing everywhere...people are using their ski-ing 'tools' to 'walk'..but the lowest here in Austria will be around -20C...

kavitha :
Malaysia's weather is warm and sunny as asual !
I'm freezing in my office here even tough it's only 17 degrees celcius..I can't imagine -20..how you guys survive there? Do you go outdoors? Does the vehicle start?


Good questions, really..

It is sunny..u know..surprisingly..u have to put on ur sun glasses to drive at noon till 3pm..but it aint hot..very cold..like..it's biting ur bones..(can I say that..but its like that..) ur face freeze..u cant laugh too much..and when u talk,u will notice that ur jaw jadi keras sikit if u are exposed outside of the building for an hour or so...and ur fingers...very painful...sangat sakit..imagine this..hold an ice cube in ur bare hands for a while and see how painful it gets..your toes..id say I am very very lucky to have invested in a pair or timberland boots..they may not save me from slipping..but they surely keep my feet away from the biting cold..the cold does bite..trust me..it is very,very mean...and my nose is still bleeding from the day I arrived here till today..not too much..but a lil bit..(me la..i don’t know about other ppl..) ..i've developed acnes on my face..even worse than the last time I was swimming at that dirty public pool...i'd go out for lunch at the canteen..walk in the sun..and in the cold for about 10mins and when I wipe mu face with a wet tissue, it is so dirty..now im not taking my face for granted..but still, my extra care is just u guy's daily care at home..toner and moisturiser..hahah! And ur skin at the other part of ur body..man..u have to apply a lot of moisturizer...i mean, the skin on your whole body...(think of your nipples too, fren..)..it's flaking..and it hurts..when u take ur bath or sometimes when it comes in contact with ur clothes..and yea..ugly..but no, I haven't reached that stage, my dear..

The local guys are saying that they are not used to this kinda weather as well...as opposed to what we used to think that, hey, since they live here then it is not that bad for them..but hey, it bites them as bad...and half of the office are catching cold n fever..four of us malaysians are still holding on..one of my colleagues was saying.."must be the chillies we eat at home.." hahah!

And yea..the vehicles do start...europian cars..damn...they are so tough..u can feel dat if u test drive savvy u know..i did like 150km/h at the autobahn..well, italy was not freezing..so..speed up..!! I've driven renault scenic and laguna..now im driving VW passat wagon..wagon...sgt x best..all cars are using diesel here...and the price/liter changes everyday..u know, something to do with gas in the EU..i don't know...and diesel..that must be why I developed them acnes..somehow, u don’t feel the dirty air u inhale..u know..but it's quite dirty..it's like..its cold and the air couldn't really move..it's stuck at the earth surface...(maybe not as dirty as in m'sia..but the fact that the air is not as free flow as in m'sia..so..u know..)

Above everything else...i love looking at the fashion in stores...shopping, window or real shopping...itu mmg wajib..the jackets..ladies and men, mind you...and the boots..man..if u're a boots lover then u'll go crazy...and so far..i'm not complaining much..just 'feeling' the season..u know..and live to tell for you guys..

Above everything else, can't wait to go home really..

HAH!! There I let it all out!

Wonders

Villach, Austria
13th January 2006



I bought some eggs earlier this week..no, plenty of eggs actually, considering they're for me alone..(but the due date is up to end of this month, so, no big deal..save me a lil trouble carrying eggs during the weekly grocery shopping..)

Anyways, I stuffed the 15 biji eggs into my bag..(they don't provide plastic bags mind you..nor paper bag..u have to carry them or use your own bags..) and last night, when I was making dinner for my ownself, I cracked this one egg and to my surprise..


Well, actually, the egg has been cracked in my bag, but due to the cold weather plus the refrigerator, it turned into, hard-boiled egg..or rather..hard-cold egg…
And second encounter is..i love orange…limau chinese new year so I called, I can eat them like eating kuaci..so, I bought a bunch of them oranges…well, duh..orange is orange right…but to my surprise again..it's purple in colour....but tastes the same..lucky..

You Get Me - Michelle Branch

So I'm a little left of centre
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl
Hey, you are on my side
And they, they
Just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and
Take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside
My wild mind
Never knowing
What you'll find
And still you want me
All the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes
I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and
Hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside
My wild mind
Never knowing
What you'll find
Still you want me
All the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side
They, they
Just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and
Take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of
The pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside
My wild mind
Never knowing
What you'll find
And still I want you
All the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me
Yeah, oh, yeah, oh

damn..!

i totally forgot...how am i suppose to let you know when the news was never registered in my memory..